Oh my God. Dove made rum balls last night. And a mess out of my perfectly clean kitchen... and a mess out of my liquid diet. I can't really blame it all on her though. I broke it with zucchini. And chicken strips. And then a fucking coke. I'm too scared to even look at the scale right now. I of course also ate a rum ball that Dove made. She said she wants to make desserts all the time. She wants to get me fat!

I just bought a sub. Its just sitting there. I don't want to touch it. I want to feel that empty feeling in my stomach. I love the way that hunger feels... the way it aches. I love the way it feels to fool my stomach with water... pills... smokes... and most of all I love to see the numbers go down on the scale! It's such an empowering feeling. I know I can do this! I won't give up. There is a new girl at my work. She is incredibly skinny. Her elbows poke out and her arms are so thin. She doesn't look like she has an ounce of fat on her. I feel fucking obese around her. She is my new IRL thinspiration.

Look upon negativities that arise as opportunities to learn and to grow.

 Every day that I succeed, I get one day closer to my goal.