12/24/2012

I have been trying to update for days and for some reason I have been having troubles. oh well.

The holidays has been so nuts for me. I am running around like a crazy person just working and working and working some more. Tomorrow will be worse. Where I work Christmas Day is the busiest day of the year.

Just relaxing at home right now. Gave my family a call to wish them merry Christmases and waiting for the man to come home and we will open presents. We can't do it tomorrow.... Way too busy! But it is good to be busy. Less time to think about food. But I am getting a bit grumpy.

My intake has been a bit high lately but still in the negative nets every day. My jeans are fitting better... Good news there! Also good news is I didn't eat a thing after my last post! Fuck yeah. I bought a couple of shirts the other day for myself and was a but bummed at my belly in he mirror. But I should be because I am overweight. Will not let it bog me down! I will stay strong and if I keep going the way I am I will lose the weight! Tomorrow is my weigh in... Christmas Day of course.

Sorry about no Thinspo Thursday!!!! Again troubles getting my post page to load on my computer. But be sure to stay strong over these holidays girls, with all the cookies and big dinners. Remember, even if you eat a bit too much not to hate yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and you can make up for it! Much love! Xoxo

Thursday intake : 1054 net (-793)
Friday intake : 1296 net (-618)
Saturday intake : 1290 net (-457)
Sunday intake : 1476 net (-838)
Monday intake : 812 net (-1035) as of now

12/19/2012

I have to add 150cal to yesterdays total. The man came home last night after a Christmas party with some food and he really went out of his way to get it. So I nibbled at a couple of these spring rolls and the calorie count went up. All the rest of the food is in the fridge, lots of desserts. Dirty tempting deserts...

I went back to work today and I just felt so run down and tired. I wasn't very productive and I hate when I am not super productive at work. I got to switch shifts for tomorrow so I can get a bit more sleep in the morning. The man was very drunk when he came home last night so my sleep was really bad. He was tossing and turning and groaning all night. I sleep very lightly so it was tough and I just had nightmares when I was sleeping.

I've been getting a lot of nightmares lately, but this should be the worst of it. When there isn't much sunlight my mood drops but I am doing much better this winter than I have been for the last couple of winters. I am much more in control of my bad moods and much more physically active.

Anyway. My intake today is amazing but I am worried I am going to crack before bed.... so I'll have to make a plan so if I decide I need to eat I will be in control. I should actually make some tea right now and that could stop me from cracking all together.

Calories Eaten: 556
Calories Burned: 1840
Net: -1284

Wearing high waisted shorts and not looking like I've had 20 kids <3

12/18/2012

I'm back

It has been almost two years and everything is different. Dove isn't in the picture any more. No point in getting into it. Things got ugly. I have moved for work and there's no more food in my work place. Thank God.

When I moved I dropped down to 125lbs. But I got pretty carried away with drinking and fast food with new friends and got back up to 150lbs. So I got back into it. Dropped 10lbs and I am still working my way down. I have been doing great. Exercise is more a part of my life now then ever. I play sports. I snowboard and skate. I have been doing P90X yoga and lifting weights. My mood is so much much much better. I am living with my boyfriend of just over a year.

I want to change the disposition of my blog. It will still be Thinspo. I will resurrect my Thinspo Thursday and post my eating when I can. Living with my man will make this a little challenging. But there is no self loathing. No more masochism. No more cutting, cocaine, weed, booze or hate. I went to a dark place not long after my last post. I wanted to end my life. I am happier now more than ever, but I still strive to be thin.

I am sick right now. Doctor said it might be the flu so I have been feeling a bit lethargic. Not so much exercise but it's been easier to eat less. The man is supportive of my latest diet efforts, but he thinks I don't need to be having the diet pills.


Today's calories are a bit high. But today was my weigh in and I celebrated with a chocolate milk shake at McDonalds. Tomorrow I will do better. I can take off my jeans without unbuttoning them. 5 more pounds and I will buy a new pair just a bit tight. Hooray!

Calories: 1323
Exercise: 1614
Net: -291

Shut up! <3 Flat belly love