Starting today I will update and get back on calorie counting. It helped me a lot before... I slipped up and gained about 5lbs... can't be sure exactly until I do my "morning" weigh in. I feel gross and fat. I have been reading blogs and seeing how good everyone has been doing with their fasts... I must be thinspired! I must continue on my road to skinny. It makes me happy every time I reach a new goal weight. I want to be under 130lbs before Hallowe'en. I want to be perfect by my birthday.
I have been exercising since I got home from work. Jumping jacks... skipping... push ups and sit ups and of course my true love; yoga. My stupid heart keeps palpitating once I get my heart rate up so I can't push too hard. I hate being sick. I wish I could run and run and run. I love to run. I hate my heart.
So yeah... feeling frustrated. But it's moments like this that push me toward success. I will be petite. My dream will come true.
I have been dreaming about cutting. I miss cutting. I wish they would disappear as soon as I was done. I love how it feels. I love the redness of the blood. I love the adrenaline and how it calms me and takes me to another world. I love how it brings me back to reality when its all over and reminds me that I want to be alive. I hate people knowing about it. I hate people seeing it. I hate being called an emo... I hate people knowing I am depressed. I wish it wasn't a big deal. I wish I could just hate myself and be happy with it. What is so wrong about that?
... gorgeous.
1 comment:
Argh! Leftovers are the devil.. stay away!!
Good luck with your morning weigh in, maybe it won't be so bad? Good on you for exercising! Take care of your heart sweety- don't push it too much.
She really does have beautiful a collar bone and shoulder... I wish I looked like that.
I know how you feel about cutting. I miss it so much sometimes I resort to scratching my legs up really bad... gotta love long fingernails!
p.s. I feel gross and fat too- you're not alone.
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