So I woke up and got right to exercising. I bought these weights that you strap onto your ankles... 10lbs. They are amazing! I was sweating before I was even done my yoga routine! I want to get smaller 5lb ones for my wrists as well... I think it do a lot of good. But despite my attempt to have a good start to my day I still wound up curled up in bed sobbing quietly and pulling apart a disposable razor (brand new and clean of course) with the intention of slashing my ribs. I hate how emo that sounds. I hate how weak I am. My phone started to ring... and it was the most random person in the world who never calls me and certainly not in the middle of the day. I didn't answer.... but I also didn't cut. I took it as a sign I guess.
I talked to Junsei instead and he calmed me down. He is very non-judgmental... it's refreshing. I didn't tell him about the cutting or even the crying. I just said I was feeling stressed. I talk to him almost every day but I haven't seen him in weeks. I like him so much and the more comfortable I get when I talk to him the more afraid I feel. I don't know what he wants... if he wants anything. I just wish I could see him. I can't talk about these things with anyone unless it's face to face. I miss him so much... he just works almost constantly. Which is something I like... but I just hate unanswered questions more I guess.
At some point during my break down I swallowed some whipped cream and chocolate icing. And then I made a bee line for the bathroom and managed to gag up some of it. My throat hurts now... and my eyes are glazed. I hate purging. I hate getting so out of control that I binge like that. I envy people with fast metabolisms.
Ways to boost your metabolism:
- Cardio work-outs
- Don't eat sugar
- Get regular good sleep
- Drink lots of water
- Drink green tea
This is how I feel... but fatter.
Ice-olated.
Ice-olated.
Just want to say welcome to all my new followers ♥
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