10/26/2010

I know I am having a tough time today because I have barely slept and I have been working nonstop for about 25 hours. I feel like I am loosing my mind though. I have been having panic attacks all day. I almost broke down at work but I swallowed it along with some soup broth. I'm finding spicy vegetable broth a very comforting replacement for other awful foods I tend to reach for when upset. I got home and cried and cried. My heart pounded so hard. I wasn't even sure exactly what I was upset about... I guess I just get very overwhelmed by everything. Sometimes I just get upset by the fact I'm upset to start with. I wanted to cut so bad... I just kept thinking of where I could hide it. I talked myself out of it and turned on some music. I still want to see my blood. It must be time for a new tattoo...

Actually. It's time for sleep. And I will wake up and eat no more than 500 calories. Here's my meal plan for tomorrow... wish me luck:

Breakfast: 1 boiled egg and 2 strips of veggie-bacon (175cal)
Snack: granny smith apple (80cal)
Lunch: plain medium baked potato (160cal)
Snack: VGo (40cal)
Dinner: Spinach and Fruit Salad (70cal)

And every day I allow myself 1 coffee with soy milk as a "freebie".

Now to bed. For real. I really need it.

Toothpick legs! ♥

3 comments:

Isla Lynn said...

Nice job avoiding a cutting escapade. Sleep well, darling.

Starving Artist said...

oh I find it so hard to talk myself out of cutting once I get in the mindset to
good job sweetie, stay strong <3

Claire said...

I hope you get a good night's rest and feel better soon sweety. Well done for avoiding cutting- I'm so proud of you! Take care xxx