It has been far too long. Far far too long. I am not even sure where to pick up. Things got bad. I was having a lot of severe anxiety attacks and my doctor took me off of Cymbalta. I am sick again. I am back to being in and out of doctors offices. Back to square one. My stamina has decreased by 2/3 and now every time I exercise I feel it for days ... even though I can barely get any in when I do. My heart pounds and races and my metabolism has gone to shit. I can't sleep at all any more and when I do it's scarce.

I got very depressed and I gained and gained. I ate ice cream, potato chips, chocolates, bread bread bread. I am such a fucking failure. I am at 140lbs now. I have to regain control. This is what I need... control in my life. Everything is fucked. I need to fix this. I just want to be thin. I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling nothing but hate.

So I am back. Things are getting a bit easier.

Yesterday's Eats

2 coffee with sugar 100cal
1 low sodium VGo 35cal
1 half pack of almond tofu 80cal
2 tbsp 1% cottage cheese 40cal
1/2 a banana 50cal
2 special K bars 160cal
1 raspberry danish 350cal

Total:  815

Beautiful ribs peaking out...