My birthday was yesterday, and my friends all took me out to a buffet where I proceeded to eat two plates of food and a bite of chocolate pie. My friend Colly was there with me... I am pretty sure she has recently reverted back to her old eating disorder. She has lost so much weight recently and after eating she went right to the washroom. She used to be bulimic. I wish I could throw up my food easily. I am destined to starve myself I suppose.

Anyways. Today is a liquid fast. Tomorrow as well. My doctor took me off Cymbalta so I am no longer required to eat with medicine every day. Time to take full advantage. I want to get down to 120lbs as fast as I can... I need to. I am so disgusted by myself every time I catch my reflection in the mirror... or see myself naked. Showers are hell sometimes.

Not much privacy. Dove is at home a lot more. Sorry for the lack of comments and posts these days.

Those legs... dear God those legs. Mine will be just the same soon enough.

It has been far too long. Far far too long. I am not even sure where to pick up. Things got bad. I was having a lot of severe anxiety attacks and my doctor took me off of Cymbalta. I am sick again. I am back to being in and out of doctors offices. Back to square one. My stamina has decreased by 2/3 and now every time I exercise I feel it for days ... even though I can barely get any in when I do. My heart pounds and races and my metabolism has gone to shit. I can't sleep at all any more and when I do it's scarce.

I got very depressed and I gained and gained. I ate ice cream, potato chips, chocolates, bread bread bread. I am such a fucking failure. I am at 140lbs now. I have to regain control. This is what I need... control in my life. Everything is fucked. I need to fix this. I just want to be thin. I am tired of looking in the mirror and feeling nothing but hate.

So I am back. Things are getting a bit easier.

Yesterday's Eats

2 coffee with sugar 100cal
1 low sodium VGo 35cal
1 half pack of almond tofu 80cal
2 tbsp 1% cottage cheese 40cal
1/2 a banana 50cal
2 special K bars 160cal
1 raspberry danish 350cal

Total:  815

Beautiful ribs peaking out...