So... yesterday was difficult. I was invited over to a massive feast of simple carbs and fat fat fat. I offered to make a salad so I could have control over at least one thing in my meal but I was shot down. I took it quite personally... I really am an awesome cook. I managed to get away with not touching the mashed potatoes, bread or ribs without anyone saying a peep but by the end of the meal I had still gained 4 pounds. Dove had made a huge batch of brownies too and forced one into my mouth. I turned around and spit it out when she wasn't looking... it was fucking delicious though. She also, unfortunately, packed the fridge full of food for "us". Bacon, bread, sausages, cokes, cheese, juice boxes, craft dinner, breaded chicken. I swear this girl did not bring in a single vegetable. I hope she has fun chowing this stuff back on her own. I don't know how she manages to stay so slim on a diet like that. It's really unfair. Her mother is tall and slim like her too... she got good genes. What's not fair is my mother is tall and slim, and here I am short and fat like some genetic malfunction.

Anyways. Last nights shift was good. I DIDN'T EAT A THING! Just coffee and club sodas for 10 hours.
I am so proud of myself since I work in a bakery and I am tempted with carbs at every corner. They have stuff to make salads with there too... so I should be good for today if I need to eat. I popped on the scale when I awoke saw that I had lost those 4lbs gained from that awful dinner. I'm almost 145lbs. 50lbs to go until my goal. It feels so good to be under 150lbs again. I can't believe I ever let myself go so bad. Life can be shitty... but it's never so bad that you need to cry into a cheese cake and let your ass develop it's own gravitational pull. Speaking of cheese cake... Dove cooked one of those too. It's in the fridge chilling now. I guarantee she will push that into my mouth too. She knows sugar makes me feel like shit though so I am sure I will be able to work my way around it.

I've got another long shift tonight. I like these long hard shifts. I really get a work out just from working. The heat from the ovens keeps me sweating and drinking water, and the weight of all the baskets full of bagels is helping to burn calories. Since I work alone too I can get away with eating nothing and no one will say a word. I get my first pay Friday and I'm going to join a gym near by... so as soon as I get off work I can go for a work out and then go home. I have a feeling this will be a very rewarding schedule to get into.

The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.

Thin has a taste all its own.