I woke up this morning and hopped on the scale to see I have shed three pounds. Awesome. However... I did not fast yesterday. I tried and I made it 'till about 10 till I broke down. Unfortunately I ate a chocolate chip muffin. 230 calories of sugar and carbs. I need to go buy more vegetables that I can eat raw. I have been super broke this month and dealing with my room mates choice of food which is all carb central.

Anyway, I went out to the bars last night and I was ordered a rum and coke. They know I don't like to drink pop so I don't know why they got it. The rest of the night was all vodka tonics but I drank way too much. I'm not supposed to be drinking while I am on Cymbalta... it's apparently super bad for my liver. Yikes. When I get drunk though I just crave meat. It was awful. Everyone was eating hot dogs and they asked to buy me some. Even after they ate them they were talking about going out to a burger joint after the bars closed. Awful awful. There is no need to eat like that. I did not have the hot dog or burger though. I went home and I was unable to resist boiling up a couple of eggs. 37 calories and lots of protein and b12. I refuse to feel bad about that. I will however feel bad about hopping right into bed after I ate them. And I will feel bad for barely drinking any water as well. I will be sure to drink a lot today.

Also, I got my period today. Finally! I was really scared I might have been pregnant. It's just because I missed my birth control pills for a month and my body went hay wire. I fucking hate not being on my pill. My skin turns to the surface of Venus and my boobs shrink down to the size of raisins. Yuck yuck. So thank you nasty blood retching vagina for letting me go back on my pill next month. Hopefully I will not gain weight from it.

I am going to go to the mall today. I want to buy something new to wear but I hate shopping for clothes. Everything looks like shit on me. I have such a weird body shape... I just want to be skinny and not worry about how things fit... because everything will just fit. I will do this. My goal is not unreasonable. I won't be young forever and I want to be able to look back on photos of me and remember being pretty, skinny, and desirable. I don't want to remember all the food I ate.

The greatest precept is continual awareness.

An ordinary girl, an ordinary waist but ordinary's just not good enough today.